It's true ... I will never carry another child in my womb. This is a hard statement for me. But this also seems to be a hard statement for others to hear too.
I wanted to share a little bit about our fertility, or infertility, journey over the years but first let's be clear. Yes, I believe in miracles. I believe in an almighty God who has the power and ability to heal our infertility. I believe God could work a miracle in our bodies which would allow me to carry another biological child. I just don't think that is God's plan for us.
Infertility is a hard road to travel. Consider the average couple ... they marry, they continue to pursue their careers and after about two years of wedded bliss (!!) they think about having a baby. Everyone else also thinks about them having a baby. That's when the questions begin ... "so, are you going to start your family soon?" "You guys would make cute babies." "You'll be great parents!" Hint hint, wink wink.
So, the couple begins to 'try' or be less careful about not getting pregnant. It seems to me that most of these 'trying' couples get pregnant within two-three months or perhaps a bit longer. Everyone is happy and pleasantly surprised. Let the baby showers and pregnancy stories roll. This is how it is supposed to be.
Of course, in many cases this is not how it goes. A couple may get
pregnant unexpectedly and they really do feel unprepared, a couple may get pregnant and miscarry that precious child at only a few weeks, the couple may have been trying for a long time before they can announce their pregnancy and sometimes, it doesn't happen at all. Sometimes, even though everything appears to be in order and the couple appears to be okay with all the "you'd make a great mom" comments, the road to pregnancy is becoming cold, sterilized and just plain not fun. Infertility.
Infertility is defined as one year of trying to get pregnant without success. A year is a long time when you have your heart set on something, especially when each month is marked by Aunt Flo. Especially when every month someone else at church or in your circle of friends, announces their pregnancy or gives birth to a perfectly formed little person. Especially when you continually are invited to baby showers and baptism celebrations. Now don't get me wrong, babies are most definitely cause for celebration. They are a gift from God. I would never want to take joy away from a new mom or dad but oh, it is hard to be happy for someone else when you are so sad for yourself.
Josh and I were no different. Josh had finally convinced me that we were ready to have kids. I always wanted to have a big family and Josh did too. We figured it would be easy -- easy like it was for everyone else. We had never heard anyone talk about infertility and had no idea it would take over our lives with such intensity only a few months into trying to get pregnant. Because I am an information junkie, I read everything I could find on the best days to get pregnant, what my body was supposed to feel like and how I would know I was pregnant. It only took about three months and I knew something was wrong. So, off to the doctors we went and things progressed from there. We proceeded to complete a battery of tests, bloodwork and procedures and soon the cause of our infertility was determined.
Infertility. Me. Now. It hurts.
Now what?
Who can we share this with?
Why would God give me this deep desire to be a mom if I can't see how it is ever going to happen?
Why is this happening to me? to us? and no one else? (this is a lie, it happens to lots of people)
Infertility. Me. Still. It hurts.
April
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Encouraged (and a little discouraged)
We met with our adoption agency yesterday. I left the meeting feeling mostly encouraged and excited.
Encouraged because our contact person there is wonderful and easy to talk to. She is experienced, informative, open and honest. We felt welcomed and comfortable immediately. She gave us helpful feedback on our profile and is excited that we are now on the ACTIVE WAITING LIST!! Yup, so as soon as I get our profile to her, she can show us to prospective birth parents. Great news!
She told us we were a great adoptive family -- most of the families on the waiting list are between 35-45 years old, so we are just spring chickens :) And because we are a multiracial family. it opens doors for us. This is neat because our pediatrician and social worker for Kailyn told us that it was highly unusual for a black woman to choose a white family to raise her child. We feel so honoured that Kailyn's birthmom looked at who we are and what we value as a couple rather than just at the colour of our skin. Wow.
I feel just a little discouraged because the active waiting list is long and there are not many adoptions happening in Ontario in general. Adoption is simply not looked upon as an option in many situations. This is an interesting trend to reflect on ... why aren't men and women who don't feel ready or capable to parent a child choosing to parent or abort their child rather than thinking about adoption? This issue is complicated and I won't claim to understand it. It baffles me and makes my heart sad.
Anyways ... the waiting part of this journey is just around the corner. As many of you know, I am terrible at waiting. As I prepare to wait, I thank God for all his gifts to me. All the things that will make the waiting easier -- a husband who loves me and supports and encourages me to develop my gifts, two little ones who make me laugh everyday and whose favourite word must be "mommy" to which I must respond with, "yes?" or "what?" and a variety of activities that fill my schedule each week.
But, in the quiet of the end of the day, my heart and arms ache for my child. Where is he/she? When will he/she come home to me? to us? Is he/she safe? Is his or her birth mom safe? All questions I do my best to lay at the feet of my heavenly Father. He knows the answers.
Blessings,
April
Encouraged because our contact person there is wonderful and easy to talk to. She is experienced, informative, open and honest. We felt welcomed and comfortable immediately. She gave us helpful feedback on our profile and is excited that we are now on the ACTIVE WAITING LIST!! Yup, so as soon as I get our profile to her, she can show us to prospective birth parents. Great news!
She told us we were a great adoptive family -- most of the families on the waiting list are between 35-45 years old, so we are just spring chickens :) And because we are a multiracial family. it opens doors for us. This is neat because our pediatrician and social worker for Kailyn told us that it was highly unusual for a black woman to choose a white family to raise her child. We feel so honoured that Kailyn's birthmom looked at who we are and what we value as a couple rather than just at the colour of our skin. Wow.
I feel just a little discouraged because the active waiting list is long and there are not many adoptions happening in Ontario in general. Adoption is simply not looked upon as an option in many situations. This is an interesting trend to reflect on ... why aren't men and women who don't feel ready or capable to parent a child choosing to parent or abort their child rather than thinking about adoption? This issue is complicated and I won't claim to understand it. It baffles me and makes my heart sad.
Anyways ... the waiting part of this journey is just around the corner. As many of you know, I am terrible at waiting. As I prepare to wait, I thank God for all his gifts to me. All the things that will make the waiting easier -- a husband who loves me and supports and encourages me to develop my gifts, two little ones who make me laugh everyday and whose favourite word must be "mommy" to which I must respond with, "yes?" or "what?" and a variety of activities that fill my schedule each week.
But, in the quiet of the end of the day, my heart and arms ache for my child. Where is he/she? When will he/she come home to me? to us? Is he/she safe? Is his or her birth mom safe? All questions I do my best to lay at the feet of my heavenly Father. He knows the answers.
Blessings,
April
Friday, August 9, 2013
Adoption Stories
While we wait for the next steps in our adoption story, I thought I'd share and point to a couple of other adoption stories that I am privileged to be following.
The first is a family that I've actually never met before but the mom and I have been messaging via facebook for a few months now. They too are a pastor's family and went to seminary just before we did so we have much in common from the get go. The exciting part at this point in their journey is that they are currently IN South Africa meeting and adjusting to their new daughter, a two and half year old little beauty with hair just like Kailyn's! They have been working on this adoption for three and half years and even endured a time where the doors between Canada and South Africa were closed and no adoptions were moving forward. Their story is inspiring and God-honouring as they give God the glory time and time again. Check out their story at: journeytobelonging.blogspot.ca
The second is the adoption journey of a dear friend. I met Heather and her family at seminary -- they lived in the apartment upstairs from us and we saw each other almost everyday. We ran together (it is her fault that I am now a runner!), visited outside while our kids played, babysat each other's kids and spent many evenings sewing, watching movies and chatting together. Her and her husband, a university professor, have four busy beautiful children and have a child in Eastern Europe who is waiting to come home to them. Heather, in my eyes, is a super mom. She is going to be running a marathon this fall, she homeschools her children, she is an active member in their church and her husband is currently producing a movie while teaching a full course load which means he is gone a lot. She does all of these things well and when I asked her how in the world she was going to welcome a fifth child into their lives, she shrugged and said she didn't know BUT that God has clearly called them to be this child's family and that was that. You can check out Heather's story here: cafeaumommy.blogspot.ca
This brings me to my final comments ...
God is working powerfully in the hearts of his people. He is bringing children home to their forever families in many ways everyday. These are only two stories of the many I have heard over the years and I am still awed. I get goosebumps when someone shares an adoption story with me. I am thrilled when someone tells me they are considering adoption or foster care. I am always pleasantly surprised when I receive an email, phone call or facebook message from someone with questions about adoption. I love hearing how God has called them to take a child, a stranger with a history they don't necessarily know, and love them unconditionally for the rest of their lives no matter how hard or easy it might be.
I really really love adoption.
Blessings,
April
The first is a family that I've actually never met before but the mom and I have been messaging via facebook for a few months now. They too are a pastor's family and went to seminary just before we did so we have much in common from the get go. The exciting part at this point in their journey is that they are currently IN South Africa meeting and adjusting to their new daughter, a two and half year old little beauty with hair just like Kailyn's! They have been working on this adoption for three and half years and even endured a time where the doors between Canada and South Africa were closed and no adoptions were moving forward. Their story is inspiring and God-honouring as they give God the glory time and time again. Check out their story at: journeytobelonging.blogspot.ca
The second is the adoption journey of a dear friend. I met Heather and her family at seminary -- they lived in the apartment upstairs from us and we saw each other almost everyday. We ran together (it is her fault that I am now a runner!), visited outside while our kids played, babysat each other's kids and spent many evenings sewing, watching movies and chatting together. Her and her husband, a university professor, have four busy beautiful children and have a child in Eastern Europe who is waiting to come home to them. Heather, in my eyes, is a super mom. She is going to be running a marathon this fall, she homeschools her children, she is an active member in their church and her husband is currently producing a movie while teaching a full course load which means he is gone a lot. She does all of these things well and when I asked her how in the world she was going to welcome a fifth child into their lives, she shrugged and said she didn't know BUT that God has clearly called them to be this child's family and that was that. You can check out Heather's story here: cafeaumommy.blogspot.ca
This brings me to my final comments ...
God is working powerfully in the hearts of his people. He is bringing children home to their forever families in many ways everyday. These are only two stories of the many I have heard over the years and I am still awed. I get goosebumps when someone shares an adoption story with me. I am thrilled when someone tells me they are considering adoption or foster care. I am always pleasantly surprised when I receive an email, phone call or facebook message from someone with questions about adoption. I love hearing how God has called them to take a child, a stranger with a history they don't necessarily know, and love them unconditionally for the rest of their lives no matter how hard or easy it might be.
I really really love adoption.
Blessings,
April
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