I'm So Glad I Have Two of My Own (so far!)

After reading a friend's blog (check it out here: www.addingaburden.com), I am inspired to share my reflections on a question that has been asked of me on occasion over the past two years -- since our announcement and arrival of our son: J-man, Jude-bug, Jude.  I have thought a lot about it.    

Here's the question: "Aren't you so glad that you now have one of your own?"

What am I to make of this question?  My reaction, so as not to cause discomfort or tension, is to give the answer the questioner is expecting -- namely, YES.  Of course I am so glad to have one of my own. 

But wait a minute ... this is a loaded question.  My inner thoughts, the ones less spoken, immediately think about Kailyn.  The series of questions runs something like this ... 

* Did she hear this question and more importantly, my answer? 
* Does she think she is not "one of my own"? 
* Is she less my own child than Jude is simply because I carried him in my womb and not her?  

Then those thoughts go bigger ... 

* Does God consider me "his own" child even though I am adopted by the blood of His son?
* Do I miss out on the benefits of being part of the family of God because I am adopted by my heavenly Father?

A relative of Josh asked me to answer the following question honestly: "The first time you held each of your children, did it feel different?"  My answer was simply, "No."  I thank God for this.  The first time I held Kailyn I felt immediate love, adoration, intense joy and giddiness -- here was my daughter.  The first time I held Jude, I felt immediate love, adoration, intense joy and giddiness (with a touch of relief that labour was finally over!) -- here was my son.  I understand that this is not the case for all mothers, both biological and adoptive, but I can truly and honestly say that God gave me this gift of unconditional love for my children that poured out of me the first second I laid my eyes on each of my kiddos.  

They are mine. They are gifts straight from the hand of God.  They are MY OWN.   

And I truly believe that when God looks down on me, He sees me as HIS OWN too.  

Blessings, 
April